Avoiding Office Politics Pitfalls

Office politics can be a fickle mistress. One ill-timed Priest-Rabbi-Baptist Minister joke can erase months of good behavior, hard work, and brown-nosing. Having fun at the office can be fine as long as you maintain a level of professionalism. There’s a fine line, and I’m having a more difficult time than most keeping on the right side of it.

By in large, my first year in the labor pool went by without major incident. Unfortunately, I occasionally let my superhuman wit get the better of me. Apparently, it’s inappropriate to place dirty socks on a coworker’s keyboard. And sending out a company-wide e-mail rejoicing in the termination of “Bad Breath Bobby from terminal 3” is generally frowned upon. Go figure. These “lapses in judgment” prompted me to make the following New Year’s resolution – “do a better job of thinking before I speak, or act, at work.” I’m proud to report that I’ve yet to have a relapse.

The important thing is to know what it takes to succeed in the meat grinder that is office politics; it’s just a matter of following these ten simple rules.

1. Maintain a good attitude.

We all have our problems—crazy roommates, car leaking oil, chronic constipation—but that doesn’t mean you need to burden your coworkers with them. If your colleagues think your outside life is a mess, why would they expect you to have your working life together? Use these Other Ways to Manage Your Stress rather than blabbing to the office congregation. Try to keep a healthy sense of humor, but don’t let it ever go too far. Funny, engaging workers get ahead while the office clown gets left behind.

2. Never say negative things about those in charge.

It’s no secret—we’re all smarter than our bosses are, or at least we think we are (Note 1). While this may be true, it’s never a good idea to say so. Unfortunately, even conversations you believe to be confidential often turn into fodder for your more conniving colleagues. The same rule applies to e-mail, memos, blogs, and podcasts.

Additional subjects to avoid: binge drinking, sexual conquests, the carbuncle on Jones’ neck, binge-drinking-induced vomiting, Smith’s incompetence, getting hung over from binge drinking, binge drinking to get over said hangover, etc.

Not sure how to address your superiors without looking like an insubordinate little upstart? Click here to learn how to talk to your boss.

3. Still the new guy? Suck it up.

The first few months at any new job are the toughest. Granted, you’re not getting your ass glued to your frat brother's like you did during spring rush, but you still have to survive a trial-by-fire initiation period. You will receive the worst assignments, work the longest hours, and answer to the most obnoxious supervisors.

There are two strategies you can take during this time—the “future barista approach” and the “future vice president approach.” The former involves talking back, griping, and dragging your feet; the latter is based on hard work, dedication, and sucking it up. As soon as you’ve proven what you’re made of, the workload will taper, and your standing in the office will improve.

Here are twenty great tips for your first days at a new job.

4. Take the high ground.

It’s never a good idea to get into a spitting match with that viper of a coworker. It doesn’t matter what they did, or what they said about your mama. It’s always the second person to throw a punch that gets caught. By calmly diffusing the situation, you’ll come off as the more mature (read: better suited for upper management) worker. Fortunately, if that doesn’t work, there’s always the George Costanza strategy—“Well, I had sex with your wife.”

Click here for more tips on Cooling Office Tensions.

5. Maintain your place in the food chain.

When the head honcho is barking orders, you need to listen closely. When Clyde “I’ve-got-two-weeks-more-experience-than-you” Johnson is trying to flex his power muscles, tune him out. Bowing down to somebody with an inferiority complex makes you look weak, and it gives them an inflated sense of importance—a perception that can quickly become reality.

It’s important to know when to push back if people are trying to get you to do their work for them. In the beginning, it’s probably best to do anything that anybody asks, but as the year goes by, try to figure out who values your time and who’s just being lazy.