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The Most Annoying People at Starbucks

By Christopher Schonberger

Check out Holy Taco’s 8 Types Of Annoying People You’ll Find Inside Starbucks, including “The Over Happy Line Greeter/Order Taker” and the “Complicated Order Guy Who Needs His Coffee Right the F*#k Now.” Having been the “Intern Who Is Buying for the Entire Office” many times, I am sort of lenient on those bright-eyed youngsters attempting the Sisyphean task of carrying two cardboard trays with cups of different sizes (it is essentially the unequal weight distribution that makes it impossible). However, I have to say my least favorite of all is the overzealous employee, or worse still, the gaggle of overzealous employees who think their “banter” is enjoyable to customers. The other morning I almost couldn’t go through with my order because their bubbly demeanor was so grating. It’s a coffee shop, not a ride at Disneyland for goodness’ sake! I just want to be served my beverage with quiet dignity and respect for the product. The next time a cashier pulls the “let me just finish the final few exchanges of my jocular conversation with the barista and then turn to you with an enormous grin” move, I vow that I shant return. You know what I’m saying?!?!

Clearly, I need to calm down and have a chilled coffee (courtesy of my Tassimo machine, thank you). But first let me add a few of my own picks to the list:

The college girls who think Starbucks is an extension of their apartment
Ugg boots, pajama pants, or sweatpants with the name of a prep school/college written across the butt are telltale signs that you should go home and get dressed before going outside again. Just because you “want to get comfy with a non-fat mocha” does not mean that you are no longer in a public place.

Baristas who try to suggest other beverages/modifications
I can read the menu. I have had coffee before. I do not need to be asked if I want to “try a vanilla latte” instead of the normal one I ordered. Even at restaurants, it annoys me when people ask the waiter for a purely subjective opinion on a two disparate dishes—“What do you like better, the penne arrabiata or the salmon?” It makes no sense. These types of questions are only appropriate when there is a question about freshness of ingredients or some sort of regional/cultural specialty that should not be missed. At Starbucks, baristas should only speak when spoken to.

People who order a “drip”
As far as I know, “drip” literally just means regular coffee. Use of the term only encourages preexisting annoyances regarding nomenclature.

Really young kids who go to Starbucks
It bothers me that Starbucks has become a hangout for suburban middle school kids who spend all their allowance money on Frappucinos. Coffee is better than Captain Morgan’s, I agree, but I’d like to tell these little dudes and dudettes to hold off for a few more years. No offense, but it just seems off-putting to have them around.

Homeless people
Only joking. What really annoys me are those mean baristas who won’t let them use the bathroom. Everyone knows it’s going to be gross anyway—enter at your own peril. Holding those paper cups all day, panhandlers do more free advertising for Starbucks than anyone else in the city. If anything, they should be rewarded!

8 Types of Annoying People You'll Find Inside Starbucks [Holy Taco]

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