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The Delaying the Real World Fellowship

By Cheddar Ted

Gritz sent me a link to this unofficial fellowship (not as unofficial as this fellowship) called Delaying The Real World, and even though I'm skeptical of any fellowship that claims to delay the real world by giving you $5,000, I applied because the application wasn't too cumbersome. I remember this Economics professor I once had who was all, "if Bill Gates is working and he spots a $100 bill on the floor, it's not economically efficient for him to spend the couple seconds it takes to pick it up." The argument here, of course, is that Bill Gates makes more than $100 a second so it wouldn't be worth his time to stop working and pick up the C-note.

This worthless hypothetical is usually good for a few laughs and some "oooh's" and "ahh's" in any university lecture hall, but like most lessons in economics, it falls apart when removed from underneath the microscope with the "a priori" lens. Still, in the case of this fellowship, the time commitment wasn't too much of a hassle, so I literally delayed the real world for a few minutes and wrote an application...

Name: Theodore Bressman
Date of Birth: July 11, 1984
State: California
Phone: [Redacted]
Email: [Redacted]
Proposal Submitted: April 15, 2008

Proposal Title: A Bicycle Tour of The Dunkin' Donuts Franchise

Explain your project to us the best you can:
I will visit every Dunkin' Donuts in Massachusetts by way of a Schwinn bicycle and write a book about its lonely identity as the last blue-collar franchise in a white collar industry.

What can you tell us about where your adventure will take place? Why did you pick this specific region/city/country? How familiar are you with it?
It will take place in the great state of Massachusetts, home of jack-o-lanters, depressed people and autumn.

What is the time frame of your proposal? (When can you begin it? How long do you plan on committing to it?)
I would begin this summer and ride the stipend through the foliage-clad fall.

Will you be working with any organizations/non-profits/companies to carry out your proposal?

What is your budget? (Please list major expenses such as plane fare and transportation costs, room and board, activities, health insurance.) If you will need additional funding outside of the DTRW fellowship, how do you plan on obtaining it?
My major expense is room (unless I can sleep in 24-hour Dunkin' Donuts). I probably won't go over budget.

Name something that could go wrong and how you would handle it.
My bicycle could break and I'd have to fix it. If my spirit broke, I don't know if I could do the same.

What skills or experiences make you the right person to make your proposal a reality?
My affinity for Dunkin' Donuts is literally unparalleled. I also love cycling.

Do you think your project will make a positive impact on the world?
In a way.

What makes your project unique and how is it different from the projects we’ve selected in the past?
It is the overlap in the venn diagram of life between introspection and immersion in corporate America.

Which adventurer in Delaying the Real World did you find the most inspiring and why?
Andrew Morgan, the Lance Armstrong of the African World. He inspired me to hop back on my bicycle, and though our aims are contrary in nature, it is this appreciation for a pure form of transportation that binds us.

"You hold this boy's future in your hands, committee. It's a valuable future. Don't destroy it. Protect it. Embrace it. It's gonna make you proud one day. I promise you." -Scent of a Woman

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