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Cheddar Ted's Life Lessons

By Cheddar Ted

Ever since I joined the workforce, things literally ain’t the same for Gazo the Prankstas. What that means is I've started eating oatmeal regularly and actually writing out “hahahahahahaha” in e-mails and instant message conversations. I’ve also started behaving very appropriately in social environments, which may seem a bit unusual for those of you who know me. I no longer am funny unless if it’s within the context of intense awkwardness and my career as a budding screenwriter has screeched to a depressing halt. But not because of the writer’s strike…because I’m a horrible writer!

So obviously not living at home hasn’t paid the professional dividends I predicted in my previous post, but at least it’s done wonders for me mentally, which is a clear elucidation of the only truth this world has to offer: namely the Native American ethos of the Yin and the Yang. So what have we learned today? Basically that nothing in life is free and you can’t always get what you want.

Also, say what you will about Don Quixote, but he and Sancho Pancho went on some pretty epic journeys together. And if Don were a glass half empty type of bro, I don’t think they would have even made it out of the village. Do you?

It’s come to my attention that this entry is literally steeped in some of the most valuable lessons life has to offer. Well here are some more life lessons—namely…

Cheddar Ted’s Top Ten Life Lessons

10) He who chops up the wood warms himself twice.

9) People in glass houses shouldn’t get changed during daylight hours.

8) He who posts very personal facts on the Internet will one day be furnished with his just deserts.

7) He who teaches himself methods of fishing may feed himself, but risks mercury poisoning.

6) The hill is steep for those not equipped with the picks and axes of positivity.

5) Sometimes you must simply caulk the wagon and float.

4) Couglin’s diet: cocktails and dreams.

3) It’s a rule in and of itself (The Rule of Three).

2) Take Real Lemons. Make Real Lemonade.

1) Do you.

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